what you can get away with

it’s the beginning of august

and here’s what’s been on my mind

[photo credit]

{at the start of each month i stop & take a moment to recount & remember the last four weeks}

one // community. today i received loveliness in the mail from two giveaways i won recently, the first being a gorgeous print and the second a flying wish paper kit. after i opened them up and reveled in the general awesomeness of photography + imaginativeness, i realized the likelihood of me having these new things if i didn’t have my little space here would be very small. it brought on an “isn’t the internet grand” kind of moment, or more specifically an “isn’t the blogging world grand?”. and that’s because it is. i’ve been keeping an online diary for a couple of years now, but it’s never meant as much to me as it does today, right now, in this moment. over the past few months, i’ve developed such a wildly beautiful + interesting community of writers, photographers, design goddesses, and all around swell people, which has helped turn my blog into not only a chronicle of my shenanigans, pittburgh penguins lurve, creative musings, and random wish lists, but a place i use and go for comfort + friendship. if my mother being diagnosed with leukemia has taught me anything, it’s that you can’t have too many safety nets and i’m equally giddy + proud to call you, my readers, one of those nets.

two //autumn. its turning leaves. its thick quilts. its perennials + early evening light + venti lattes. its cardigans + relatively stress-free hockey matches. its smell. its thick, crunchy textures. its holidays. it’s everything. i’m so ready!

three // words if wisdom.

photo credits: one. two. three.

four //the next 12 months. i can honestly say for the first time in my life that i am not completely certain where i am going to be living and what i am going to be doing one year from now. i know where i want to be and what i want to be doing, but the road to get there is so complicated + exciting + scary that there’s really no certainty. which means the next 12 months have an undercurrent of fantastic trepidation to them. so needless to say, they have been on my mind.

five // this song.

six // taking risks. i am a creature of habit. i don’t like surprises and i always plan ahead. recently i’ve been trying to change things up. i came across the eleanor roosevelt quote “do one thing everyday that scares you” and i realized that there are times when i let the analytical, organized, sensible alison have too much control over my life + decisions. so far it’s been pretty liberating to step outside my own habits, put my own protective instincts aside, and do something everyday that scares me. thanks, eleanor. i needed that.

seven // these forgotten moments.

what have you been up to these last four weeks?

xo Alison

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midweek felicity: i could not cry

today i have…

:: been up since six for the first time in ages

:: worked on a poem that references both trash bags + a culture club album

:: never been more thankful for air conditioning

:: thought about the things that have made this week lovely so far, such as…

these photos ::

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these words ::

If I should learn

If I should learn, in some quite casual way,
That you were gone, not to return again-
Read from the back-page of a paper, say,
Held by a neighbor in a subway train,
How at the corner of this avenue
And such a street (so are the papers filled)
A hurrying man-who happened to be you-
At noon to-day had happened to be killed,
I should not cry aloud-I could not cry
Aloud, or wring my hands in such a place-
I should but watch the station lights rush by
With a more careful interest on my face,
Or raise my eyes and read with greater care
Where to store furs and how to treat the hair.

— Edna St. Vincent Millay

:::::::::::::::::::::

these things ::

:: being given the versatile blogger award from the uber fun noodles and waffles

:: school supply shopping with my mom who’s going back to school to get her RN {she’s currently an LPN}, leukemia // lupus // bills and all ❤

:: the adorableness over at sarah waterhouse’s hand printed textiles

:: splurging on some new make.up brushes + bags…just because

:: the stellar collections over at zuster

:: “bullet” by steel train // “northern sky” by nick drake // “kentucky pill” by johnny flynn

:: the young victoria and the lives of others DVDs waiting on top the TV

:: watching arrested development on my laptop by pear scented candlelight when the electricity went out for several hours yesterday

:: this super awesome talk bubble dry erase board from urban outfitters

:: the simple joy that comes from buying new linens

:: being so touched by the kind words of nicole from scraps of color, and by her bravery to open up an etsy shop

:::::::::::::::::::::

this loveliness ::

christina hendricks’ incredibly beautiful l.a. times magazine cover photos

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how’s your week been going so far?

xo Alison

midweek felicity: their intended destinations

good morning, my dear friends…

this week has been glorious so far, a complete contrast to last year’s spring break which i spent deathly ill in bed, surrounded by wadded up tissues, half empty glasses of grape juice, back issues of real simple and lucky magazines, with the spring break episodes of arrested development playing on the dvd player in front of me. not this year though. a good balance of sunshine a rain, sleep and mini escapades, slippers and high heels. here are some “in between moments” from this week that i don’t want to slip through the cracks ::

these photos ::

me as the caped avenger as illustrated by j. cooper, 23

me as myself as illustrated by j. cooper, 23

divine, no?

fred’s diner, akron oh

sunshine + starlight

:::::::::::::::::::::

these songs ::

:: illinois’ “alone again”

:: electric president “ten thousand lines”

:: glen hansard covering “hungry for your love”

:::::::::::::::::::::

these words ::

Trust by Thomas R. Smith

It’s like so many other things in life
to which you must say no or yes.
So you take your car to the new mechanic.
Sometimes the best thing to do is trust.

The package left with the disreputable-looking
clerk, the check gulped by the night deposit,
the envelope passed by dozens of strangers—
all show up at their intended destinations.

The theft that could have happened doesn’t.
Wind finally gets where it was going
through the snowy trees, and the river, even
when frozen, arrives at the right place.

And sometimes you sense how faithfully your life
is delivered, even though you can’t read the address.

:::::::::::::::::::::

these things ::

:: jack johnson announcing a stop in cuyahoga falls on his summer tour

:: weheartit.com

:: the good wife continuing to get even better every episode

:: my brand new crosby home jersey. eeeeeek!

:: pulling out my teal open toe wedges for the first time this season

:: the “up in the air” soundtrack

:::::::::::::::::::::

this moment ::

cheers [darlin']

Alison

so drifting balloons

it’s day something rather of the XXI winter games. it might as well be day million. as predicted they have fully taken over my life. my class schedule and assignments have worked out so well it’s scary. it’s like the olympic gods want me, nay, need me to watch every minute of aerials and short track and curling and bobsledding and (of course) hockey. all the days are blending together. take out the trash during the fifth end break. shave my legs during the second intermission. let my friends know that i have not fallen off the planet during cross-country skiing. download northern howl’s daytrotter session while belbin and agosto take the ice, and snap my laptop shut when meryl and charlie come out to make magic. time has alluded me. what’s a calendar? it’s not sunday, per say, it’s russian vs. czech, USA vs. canada day, a.k.a. sophie’s choice day!

the highlight of my olympic addiction thus far was when i was referencing a conversation jordan and i had and said “remember this morning when i told you that” to which jordan responded “that was last night” to which i said “WHAT? no way! that was totally this morning!” to which jordan said “alison, you need to get off the couch” to which i mumbled some combination of “but…sid…and the…final stone…apolo…russia…but the…round robin…short program…no fighting…BOB COSTAS!”

god, i hope i don’t break out into a cold sweat and get the munchies during classes this week, or if a professor asks me for my two cents, fingers crossed i don’t answer with “no touch icing” or “aksel svindal is my lover”. and that’s not hyperbole. believe me. it has been well documented that i am just that crazy.

and happy. all things considered i am in a good place. maybe it’s seeing mama in her scrubs, or the sweatpants and caffeine and continuous olympic coverage talking, but recently jordan came across a person who used to be an intrical part of my life, of our lives—well, came across is the wrong phrasing. recently jordan was ambushed is more accurate, by someone i used to call a sister. my point is, these things usually rattle me and unravel me for a little while afterwards. those weird little “high school” interactions make me doubtful and weary, ambivalent and crabby. the entire situation rolled right off me though, didn’t leave me outraged or upset or counting my teeth to make sure they were all intact. i thought about it. thought about our past and my future. thought about what i should have done differently, what i’ve learned and regretted and am ultra thankful for, then thought about the film paper i have due tuesday and warming up another cup of red rose before bed. i thought about the unfairness and sadness of losing someone who could have been a companion for the rest of your life, gave it its appropriate weight, and settled back into ice dance and crying during olympic commercials and navigating through the dozen or so drifting balloons that always end up under my feet.

hmm.

anyway, since my last post i have been thinking [that's right, i have found time to designate brain space to something other than ice and snow and the sports we play on them] more about creativity. inspiration. illumination. originality. imagination. vision. imagery. wisdom. expression. and i think my path back to a more art infused life is going to come down to the people and things i surround myself with. i know this is an old, overused saying, and i know i have mentioned this before, but if my twenty-one years have taught me anything so far, it’s that you can’t be too careful with dairy, and you are the company you keep. and for me this isn’t just going to come down to my friends and family and classmates and cats. i’m not just talking about the slinky twenty-two month old calico, with a long tail and bedroom eye, who is circling my feet as i type this. i’m talking about this great void i seal these envelopes of thoughts and musings and mindless babble for to be opened by random eyes from time to time. in the last few weeks i’ve stumbled upon so many delightful and intriguing and helpful blogs, blogs filled with quotable words and beautiful photographs and mp3s that can tip my day into a whole new direction. like an acoustic version of sondre’s “good luck” that threw me back to the central coast of california, to curvy roads and dirty sand and sunday coffee rituals. or mark kozelek’s version of “send in the clowns” that’s sticking to my head right now like there’s a puzzle i’m meant to decode inside its corn maze of metaphor and piano keys. so often the internet annoys me. it often allows experts and amateurs to have equal footing and input when at times they just shouldn’t. but when it comes to my blogroll, it’s reassuring to feel connected to other writers, artists, music fans. reassuring and encouraging and a distraction from hard realities.

okay that’s enough “new-age feel-goodery” stuff. back to the other side of my personality, the one that often ends in blood, hugs, and eighty miles per hour pucks.

cheers [darlin']

Alison

p.s.

and the smooth jazz

i swear, it is my destiny to be sitting in a gray, low back chair with squeaky faux leather and a wide, uncomfortable base, keeping quiet and minding my own business, only to have some gnarly looking patient in a wheel chair roll right next to me, of all the places in the waiting room, of all the gin joints, yada yada. i don’t want to sound like a squeamish little girl, but c’mon, gods of karma. you had your fun in the ER waiting room with the vomit/moaning escapade of 2010 and it produced one of the funniest moments of my life. this, on the other hand, is overkill.

blecck. sigh. ugh. etc.

besides being in an enclosed space with infectious disease patients, forgetting my earphones, and having wayne brady making deals and giving out hawaiian vacations to members of a screaming audience on the TV on the wall, things have been pretty alright lately. more than that, actually. last night, i had a much welcome moment of total contentment. i was snuggled under the sea foam blanket of love, a [free, thanks to a lovely barista teacher extraordinaire bff] java chip frappe in my stomach for the first time in ages, two new gorgeous floral patterned cut out beaded tops waiting in my room, three papers under my belt and only one more to go [for right now], and in no hurry to do anything but watch old rafe and alison clips and start battlestar galactica 4.5 and make a late night grilled cheese sandwich and stay under that blanket as though my life depended on it. and that’s when i felt it. contentment. i wasn’t thinking about yesterday or today or next tuesday. i was nowhere else but in that simple, warm moment. i downloaded some phoenix and seabear and old acoustic regina spektor. i let jonsi + alex’s “happiness” wash over me and put the tallest man on earth’s “i won’t be found” piano daytrotter version on repeat. i felt the tangible relief of everything being okay for now, or at least a new kind of okay in comparison to how things have been. it’s like i’ve had a cramp in my leg for the last three and a half weeks, and the smallest release of its tension letting up felt like a bottomless well of succor and calmness and addictive pleasantness. and the fact that i’m still able to sustain that okay-ness after getting up after five hours of sleep to pull on some clothes and sit in this hospital waiting room with the smells and the smooth jazz and the reality of why we’re here, is some kind of progress i’m extremely grateful for.

this is my to-do list for this weekend ::

:: watch the pens twice in two days after four full days of hollow, game-less nights

:: prepare for the fact that i am one. week. away. from the best john mayer tickets i’ve ever head, which not to sound braggy, is really saying something

:: watch the latest supernatural

:: spend some time at panera, refilling my cup with hazelnut coffee while i work on my tudors and stuart britian essay

:: finish BSG. sob. sob. thud.

:: make collages in my moleskine with magazine clippings and transparent scotch tape

:: live on seedless grapes and orange based tea

:: trudge through shakespeare’s henry VII

:: polish my nails some obnoxious shade of red

:: start to formulate a plan for my summer studies

cheers [darlin']

Alison